Saturday, May 18, 2013

I AM WHO I AM...

closet              As you gurls witness every day, there are so many parts that make up YOU. Most of you put on your trousers and shirt and present yourself to the world as a 'regular guy' - a real chip off the old block. But then, home alone, or sneaking away, that other part of you, closeted, hidden, demands to be let out. This has probably gone on for years, perhaps starting at a young age, the desire to put on certain female clothing or touching certain fabrics, and... yeah, that catch of your breath, a quickening of your pulse, and then finding yourself aroused, you touched... Sort of went hand in hand, didn't it?

And so, more often than not, an addiction settles in and a fetish is born. Why it effects one person more than another, is still a mystery. But as the fetish grows, it metastasizes over the years. Face it. There is no cure, there is no end. This applies to any fetish, but this is the Sissy Blog and so I am restricting this post to just this sissification/feminization/cross-dressing fetish. I know how complicated this area is, and so I am stating here I am concentrating my opinion on this fetish. You chromosome gurls can wait - patience is your virtue.

SO, I personally do not believe a fetish can be eradicated. Which of you are familiar with taking these steps:
Purging
Not looking at porn
Deleting your hidden porn files on your computer
Deleting websites you frequent
Throwing out any articles of feminine clothing or gurl toys
Taking up a new hobby - exercising, etc.
Seeking therapy or counseling of some sort
Buying books on Self-Help and Building Confidence
Refraining from masturbation
Settling for what you have

And, this works for a while doesn't it? You begin to feel better about yourself, your confidence improves, and just when you think you've conquered and won, the battle begins all over again, only this time all your will to fight has been sapped, and you find yourself almost willfully surrendering. The answer of course is to stop battling. Just accept this side of yourself because it ain't going anywhere for long. It is an inherent part of you, like it or not--guilt or not!

If you accept the choice isn't strictly yours to make, and that this sexual turn-on will always be a part of you, you'll feel less guilty, and less frustrated. And, you will probably not be so weak to the fetish that gnaws away at your resolve.

"I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life so it's time to open up your closet
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out I am what I am "
(La Cage aux Folles)

Okay, maybe you have to shout silently, but you get the 'note' I'm making here. Accept yourself for who you are. Maybe you have to hide, maybe you have to stay closeted, but don't hate yourself for this. And don't beat yourself up.

Just some thoughts I had while coming on here to post. And, actually, the reason I came on here is to say that in the near future my posts will be on my new website, which is a work in progress. In the meantime, I am doubling up.

Random thoughts, in an Understanding Mood.
Ms. London.

1 comment:

jummbuk said...

"If you accept the choice isn't strictly yours to make, and that this sexual turn-on will always be a part of you, you'll feel less guilty, and less frustrated. And, you will probably not be so weak to the fetish that gnaws away at your resolve."

True! Thank you - all the way from Australia - jummbuk.